I was watching Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith last night and was amazed at the depth of wisdom and good advice that comes out of some of those characters. Yoda is like an old Buddhist master, Obi-Wan Kenobi is like an experience Samurai warrior and so on. There is also a lot of political pundit banter that goes on between the Council and the Dark Side. Inspired by this re-run I went through some of the old movies and found some of the best quotes and lessons that can teach us a thing or two about life and politics.

Star Wars’ Lessons on Life and Politics

“Many of the truths that we cling to depend on our point of view.” Obi-Wan Kenobi

One of the best quotes that ever came out of a Star Wars movie was when Obi-Wan said that our truths depend on our point of view. This is something that my buddhist teachers in India are always telling us – don’t be so solid, stiff and rigid. Your truth is not the next person’s truth. Truth is not always truth.

A logical proof that truth is not solidly existing is the example of water. To you and me a glass of water is something to drink. To a fish, however, it is like air. To some creatures it might be like fire. The “truth” we cling to is not a truth that is the same for everyone.

The reason I like this quote so much is because many of the wars and horrible acts that occur on Earth are because people cling to their own solid ideas of truth. You see it in religion, race divisions, political party alliance, etc. If people took time to break down the dogmas that they had been fed they would soon see that truth is not truth for everyone and this would bring people much closer together.

Bravo Obi-Wan!

“Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” Yoda, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

In today’s world we are told to be afraid. The USA has a whole system set up to tell us how much we should be afraid. Some days we are supposed to be Orange level afraid, other days we might have to be Red level afraid. But the problem with fear, as Yoda points out, is that it leads to anger, hate, violence and suffering.

Fear is something that is built in to us. A certain level of fear is healthy. If we had no fear we would walk out on to the road in front of a Hummer with no second thoughts. We would do all sorts of stupid and illogical things. However, the “dark side” type of fear is a fear that says that “those people are my enemies”. It leads to categorization and pretty soon, like in many American’s minds, you are labelling all Muslims as terrorists. This is simply not true. 99.999% of Muslims are peace loving people who contibute to our society in postive and wonderful ways. They are loving fathers and caring mother. But because of fear many people label them ALL as bad.

Fear starts wars. It starts fights. It upsets our mind’s and makes us stressed and anxious. And the funny thing is – most of the time the fear is unnecessary.

So you have a choice. Do you live your life in fear and protect yourself from every possible thing that could go wrong, spending your whole life worrying about things that will probably never happen. Or, do you open yourself up to love and compassion and the goodness in human nature and life a happy and carefree life?

For me the choice is easy.

“There’s no mystical energy field that controls my destiny.” Han Solo, Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

Probably the best quote that ever came out of Harrison Ford’s mouth is the one you see above. Han Solo was a lone ranger, a true individual – hence is name! The wonderful thing about this is that he was fully independent and took care of his own happiness.

The great thing about this quote is that it encourages people to change their own crappy situations. Han Solo doesn’t leave his destiny up to The Force or God or Jesus or his Boss; he leaves it up to himself. He takes care of his own business and in doing so understands that he is the sole person who can make his mind happy.

But there is a danger here. Being an individual can have it’s downsides. Sometimes strong individuals are tempted to think that the never need anyone and as such become lonely and bitter people. You still need compassion and love in your life. If you live your life trying to be completely solo you will undoubtedly end up a very sad old person.

“What if the democracy we thought we were serving no longer exists, and the Republic has become the very evil we’ve been fighting to destroy?” Padme Amidala, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

The great thing about cinema is that is can make political and social commentary about modern issues without sounding bitter and twisted or being accused of hating America. This statement by the beautiful princess is one such comment and it is extremely important to consider.

I have long been convinced that the US Democracy is heading in strange and concerning directions. The Constitution seems to be read as a list of suggestions, the President who was appointed by a Court and not actually elected by the people can (and does!) override the representatives of the People while the rights of the American people themselves are being taken away due to a mystical war that can never end – the war on terror.

So we need to look at the Princess’ quote and ask ourselves whether holding prisioners in a cell in Cuba without trial is really what we want in a society. Sure, they might be terrorists but aren’t they supposed to be innocent until proven guilty? What about allowing one (dubiously elected) man to veto a Bill passed by your representatives that would permit scientists to use eggs (that would never become babys) to produce treatments that could potentially relieve the suffering of millions because his religion might not like it?

That sounds like dictatorship to me… not democracy.

I am touching on some sensitive issues here but my intention is not to make political statements, it is to get you to ask questions. It is to get you to open your mind. And like Han Solo and Princess Padme it is also to try to get you to realize that you are in charge of your own Politcal Destiny this year. If you do not like the direction YOUR Democracy is taking then you need to change it.

“Do or do not… there is no try.” – Yoda

I love this quote because it teaches people to believe in themselves and their own abilities. It is a confidence boosting quote that encourages you to go beyond “trying” to the point where you just do it. It gets rid of all sense of hesitation and doubt.

I once heard a meditation master say that doubt is the biggest obstacle that westerners have to happiness. We doubt we are good enough, tall enough, pretty enough, fast enough, deserved enough. We doubt ourselves all the time. Yoda is telling us to get over that doubt and just do it. Don’t just try and do it. The statement “I’ll try…” is very different to the statement “I’ll do it”.

“Don’t you see? We don’t have to run away anymore! I am more powerful than the Chancellor, I… I can overthrow him! And together, you and I can rule the galaxy! Make things the way we want them to be!” – Anakin Skywalker

The Revenge of the Sith tore my heart out and stomped it into the ground. It was a fantastic movie that had all the makings of a traditional Greek tragedy. It is centered around Anakin Skywalker who we know is heading towards becoming the extremely evil Darth Vader. Even though we know Anakin is becoming Vader we still are glued to the screen with curiosity. We are curious as to how someone so good can go so bad.

And the answer is power.

Anakin’s sole motivation is to benefit the galaxy. He is one of the most powerful Jedi to ever have lived but with this power comes the arrogance of thinking that he is able to rule and make things better. At the end of the movie he even calls the galaxy “my empire” and cries that only because of his efforts did the universe find peace. He is above the law, the Jedi Council and even his own Master. He feels he is all powerful and like the saying goes; absolute power corrupts absolutely.

For me this is an extremely crucial and touching element of Star Wars. Seeing how perfectly altruistic and compassionate intentions can turn bad when arrogance, unchecked power, greed and corruption are thrown in to the mix. It is fascinating to see the parallels between Anakin’s downfall and the current status of many people and nations on this planet. Fascinating but disturbing.

“Well, I should be! Some day I will be… I will be the most powerful Jedi ever. I promise you. I will even learn to stop people from dying.” – Anakin Skywalker

The final lesson for this post comes from Anakin. The lesson of death. It is a theme that runs through all the movies and a theme that runs through all of our lives. Death is inevitable. We cannot stop it. Even the most poweful Jedi in history could not stop it. And as we learned in the first quote from Yoda – fear creates suffering. We are all afraid of death but we are not preparing for it.

Accepting the truth of death is something that Anakin could not do. He was not brave enough. But we need to be. We need to figure out how to die with no regrets whatsoever. Yoda did. And as far as I am concerned this is the most powerful lesson that the Star Wars saga has to offer.

Will you die happy and laughing like Yoda or screaming like Anakin?

**Top 10 Daily Mind post.**

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A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. – Tenneva Jordan

If you scoured the entire Earth looking for someone who has shown more kindness to you than your own mother you would be gone a long time. Such a person does not exist. Your mother cared for you while you were in her stomach, gave birth to you, fed and raised you to become the person you are today. No body comes even close to her in terms of love and compassion. And over the years she has taught us many things, some helpful, some not so helpful. Here are a few life lessons that your mom was right about.

1. It could be worse
Of all the things your mom said to you as a kid this is one of the most valuable. Hidden inside these four words is a wealth of wisdom that has been somewhat obscured due to the popular nature of the saying. In fact, when your mom said this to you it was often at a time when you felt pretty terrible. And so you ignored her. I’ll never forget when my little brother broke his arm my mom calmly announced that “it could be worse” and to basically get it together. She was right. It could have been worse.

The reason this saying is so important is because it teaches two things that are essential to your life, calmness and compassion. When you think about how much worse your bad situation could be you realize that there is no point getting all worked up. But you also start to think about those other people out there in that “worse” predicament and feel sorry for them. It is a very powerful tool.

2. The proof will be in the pudding
As if on a timer, my mom would say “the proof will be in the pudding” every year about three weeks before school report cards went out. It was around this time that she started to get nervous that my brother and I had been playing too much soccer and not doing enough homework. So she would subtly let us know that even though we said we were working hard, the real proof would be the grades on that card. And for some reason it scared the hell out of me!

There are a lot of people in this world who are good at talking. They are good at spinning a few words together and getting out of a predicament. In a similar way, there are a lot of people who are good at making excuses. But the proof will be in the pudding. You can convince yourself and those around you that you are working hard towards your goals or a project but unless that hard work bears fruit then you might be kidding yourself. The proof really will be in the final product.

3. I don’t care who started it, you stop it
Do you remember those times back at home when you and your brother or sister were pulling each others hair out over some stupid little argument? Do you remember how cheated you felt when mom trounced in the room and told you to stop it even though you didn’t start it? It was the worst feeling in the world. It felt like everyone was against you and that the world was completely unfair. Well, in actual fact, your mom was teaching you an extremely valuable life lesson about self control and self responsibility.

photo credit: ASingleAtom

What your mom was really saying in this situation is that she wants you to take responsibility for being the bigger person and diffuse the situation. When you put it like that you might start to see some more adult-life scenarios where it would be useful. Perhaps an argument that you are having with your father or even with your siblings again? Perhaps a colleague at work has started a fight or maybe one of your mates did something silly? Even though you might be in the right it is often extremely wise to put your pride aside and diffuse the situation.

Imagine the effect this wisdom would have on a global scale if it was put into practice by world leaders and politicians. I am not saying that everyone should just admit defeat all the time, but rather that it could be useful to put grudges aside and be the person or nation who takes steps to solving the problem instead of arguing about it.

4. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all
What a simple but powerful lesson. Imagine how many disputes around the world would be avoided if people just remembered their mothers advice. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. This saying has applications for marriages, politics, business and friendships. And it has a lot more to it than it seems.

As a kid this saying probably just meant that you shouldn’t call your little brother a dickhead. But as you grow up and get a little bit more life experience you can start to add new meanings to it. For example, saying “something nice” might not just mean a compliment but rather something that is going to add to the situation and help the people that you are speaking with. Like the Buddha said, “do not speak unless it improves on silence“. So from this point of view the saying is a lesson in helping other as well as being mindful of what one is saying.

In the business and political worlds this saying is perhaps one of the most important rules there is when dealing with other people. You never say anything bad about a business partner or a competitor because it will inevitably come back to harm your reputation. The consequences in the political world are even worse. Gossip and harsh speech can have implications for careers, national progress and even international relations. Your mom was right about this one. Unless you have something helpful, intelligent and proactive to say, don’t say anything.

5. If you don’t do it now, then when are you going to do it?
If you are a regular reader of The Daily Mind (good on you!) then you will know that I am always talking about procrastination. So much of our lives is wasted because we hate the idea of now and we love the idea of tomorrow. But when tomorrow comes and we still haven’t accomplished anything we feel regret, depression and ever so unfulfilled.

One of the sad truths about life is that you can lose it at any time. Death is certain to come but the time of its arrival is most uncertain. So you might not even have a tomorrow in order to accomplish your task. Really, if you look closely at the matter, now is all you have. Now is all you have. If you don’t do it now, when are you going to do it? What if that opportunity never comes or if you run out of time because you are too busy. Will you be filled with regrets on your deathbed?

Again, we can add a little bit more grown up meaning to a saying that your mom probably said a thousand times. Of all the lessons she taught you this is one that really needs to hit home. She is right about this one. If you don’t do it now then when are you going to do it? My guess is never.

What lessons was your mom right about?

Every mom has a myriad of different lessons for their children. It would be wonderful if you could try to remember a few and leave a comment. It would be even more fantastic if you could try to think of some examples in your adult life of when the motherly wisdom helped you out.

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Do you want to become a professional sports player and compete on the world stage? Perhaps you want to become a concert pianist and perform at Carnegie Hall. Or maybe meditation is more your thing and you would like to tame your mind and get closer to enlightenment. Regardless of the dream, the method is the same. Practice. A hell of a lot of practice. In fact, 10,000 hours of practice is what it takes to become an expert at any given field. So do you have what it takes?

10,000 hours, the magic number

Many studies have been done on the topic of becoming a professional sports player or a great musician. And almost all of them have concluded that the magic number is somewhere around 10,000 hours of practice. Let’s do the math on that. If you practice in your chosen area for two hours a day you are going to get in 730 hours of practice per year. At that rate it will take you 13 years to reach the 10,000 hour mark. Using that equation, let’s imagine that you want to become an expert guitar player. Imagine you start a little late in life, say around 30. If you put in the hard yards, perhaps practice before and after work everyday and more on the weekends, you will be an expert by the time you are 40. It doesn’t seem so bad when you put it like that. After this you will have the rest of your life to play your guitar like a pro.

Why 10,000 hours?
Good question. It does seem a little random. But the more you look at it the more you start to see it is true. Most people need to continually work at something for around 10 to 20 years to become great at it. And the studies done on this topic have shown that it is usually around the 10,000 hour mark that they “graduate” from amateur to professional or from good to great.

Not everyone needs 10,000 hours
Let’s remember that some people do not need 10,000 hours to become great at something. You might have grown up in a family which exposed you to your chosen discipline from an early age which might mean that you have a more “natural” propensity for it. It might take you a lot less time to catch on. Or the opposite might be true, you might have a physical or mental block that requires you to put in a lot more time to become an expert.

Good genes vs practice: the ongoing debate

photo credit: j_bischoff

Here is a subject that really grates on me. Many people think that the deciding factor is genetics, not practice. There are those sneaky and ever so depressing souls out there who would have us believe that not everyone can become great in any field. And they might be right. I often wonder if I could become a maths expert if I put in 10,000 hours. I’m not sure I could; my brain just hates maths. But there is a key word there – hate. I hate maths because I never had a good teacher and as such I lost confidence. Now when I need to do it I put up all sorts of emotional blocks that prevent me from advancing. And that is conditioned behavior, not genetic. My father is a maths whiz. My brother is a doctor. Its obviously not a genetic thing.

So how much of a role does genetics play in this debate? Obviously quite a lot. But at the same time not so much. Let me give you an example. I am under six foot tall. I have played soccer since I was young and have some small talent. The same goes for martial arts. But I am genetically disadvantaged when it comes to basketball. I am just too short. Does this mean I could never have become a professional basketball player? No. It just means it would have been harder. There have been lots of short basketball player – Muggsy Bogues was shorter than me and did quite well for himself.

Genetics is a head start but it is by no means the final stretch of the race. I would much rather be the guy with a genetic disadvantage and a good practice discipline than the naturally talented guy who doesn’t think he needs to work. Scientists now talk about genetics as a potential but not a deciding factor because they are always switching on and off. The factor that will determine whether or not you become great at something is practice. Over 10,000 hours worth.

Do you have what it comes to become great? Some tips.

photo credit: nerd.reynolds

So the question is not whether you have the potential to be great but whether or not you have the guts. Now that you know you need to practice hard, will you shy away from the task? If you believe you have the stomach for greatness there are a few tips you need to know in order to get to your goal.

1. Routine is your only friend
When it comes to practice there is only one word you need to know – routine. You need to make a regular time for your practice sessions and stick to it like you do eating dinner. You would never (rarely) go to bed without dinner and in the same way you should never miss a practice session. As soon as you miss one you will find reasons to miss another and before you know it a whole week has gone since you practiced. That time starts to add up. Make a routine and stick to it.

2. Define a solid goal with a time line
Sure, you might have a pie-in-the-sky dream about becoming a professional soccer player but do you have a goal with a time line? Do you know where you want to be in ten years time? If your dream is just some vague hope then it will never get done. You need to lock on to a target and fix in your mind what you want to achieve. Without that time line you are kidding yourself. I promise you will never make it. Add a time line to that goal, however, and you have a good shot.

3. Micro steps towards the goal
Okay so you have a goal with a time line. How are you going to get there? What steps do you need to take to make sure you are in the right place at the right time? Here is an example. Let’s say you want to be a professional soccer player by the year 2020 and you want to play for Barcelona. First of all you need to get really good. Then you need to get really fit, fast, agile, elements that will set you aside from other players. Then you need to be in the right place for the scouts to see you; Spain or perhaps playing in a team that Barcelona is associated with. That might mean saving up to move to Spain. These are all the steps you are going to need to take to achieve your goal. Write them out too. Make them specific.

4. Reinforce good habits
A few months ago I wrote a post about the habits that help cultivate greatness. These are things you need to pay attention to. Things like eating healthy, avoiding alcohol, sleeping regular hours, etc. are essential for your long and arduous journey. You have to give yourself every advantage and without these “extra” bits you are going to find it tough. Practicing for four hours a day is hard if you didn’t get a good night’s sleep.

5. Get an inspiring mentor
Almost all good behavior is learned. You get better at tennis by playing against better opponents. You get good at music by learning from an expert musician. And you stay on the path by being reinforced and inspired by a good mentor. Now, a mentor does not have to be someone you have personal contact with (although that is preferred). You might just pick a great athlete like Muhammad Ali or Michael Jordan and try to emulate them by copying their sense of discipline, work ethic and training routines. That is a good start. You will need this inspiration when you don’t feel like getting out of bed for training on those early mornings.

6. Train smart
When I was playing state soccer in high school my coach said something that hit me like a tonne of bricks. He came up to me during drills and said, “Son, you are damn good at that right foot shot.” I looked at him, smiled and said thank you. His demeanor then changed dramatically and he barked, “So why the hell are you still practicing it? Work on the left”. And from that point on he would make me do laps if I shot with my right foot, even if it was the best option at the time. Now, his method might have been extreme but his lesson was priceless. Why spend your valuable time practicing what you are good at? You need to push your comfort zones and improve on your weaknesses. That’s what great players do; they find their weakness and then they train it until they are bleeding and sore.

Conclusion

As you can see, becoming expert or great at something takes a lot of time. But it also means a lot of other things like being in the right place at the right time, having a disciplined work ethic and being mentally tough when obstacles arise. I wonder how many people will be put off by the idea of putting in 10,000 hours work. Does that seem like a lot to you? Or has it inspired you to know that there is a specific target to aim for? I would love to hear your thoughts about the genetics argument as well so please leave a comment.

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“May the pain of every living creature be completely cleared away. May I be the doctor and the medicine and may I be the nurse for all sick beings in the world until everyone is healed.” – Shantideva

According to the Buddha there are four inevitable stages in our life: birth, old age, death and sickness. We will all get an illness at some point in our lives. Some will only suffer a bad flu whilst others will have to stand face to face with a serious disease like cancer or HIV. A few years ago my closest high school buddy got diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of cancer and during that painful and testing time I went to the ancient texts of India and Tibet for some sort of philosophical help about dealing with an illness. Since that time we have also talked a lot about the illness and a lot about what got him through it. Today I would like to share some of those techniques with you and your family members.

With a few minor adjustments you can turn the experience of being sick into something positive where you grow into a braver and stronger person. Illness is one of the only times in life where you get to truly discover your potential. Without this attitude the whole debacle is just a waste of time.

BE INTERACTIVE – If you have any other methods that I have not mentioned please leave a comment as it might really help someone. Similarly, if you or someone you love is sick and you need a friend to talk to I will always answer your comments. We also have a lot of caring, knowledgeable and loving readers who will do the same.

How to cope with a serious illness or disease

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Although I myself have never been seriously ill, it seems as though a lot of the people around me have. I hope that some of these techniques benefit any sick people out there, either directly by reading it or by a loved one passing it on. Most of the techniques I discuss in this article come from a Eastern Philosophical background and as such they might contain some foreign concepts. That’s okay. Sometimes you need something a little different to get you through.

1. Accept that you are now sick
Quite often the first thing you notice about someone who has a serious disease is how they go about their life as if nothing is going wrong. It is obviously a coping mechanism, but it can often lead to some very painful times as the truth begins to set in as symptoms and pain begin to get worse. If you have just been given some bad news from your doctor it is important to accept it right away. This does not mean getting all glum and depressed, it just means that you are in touch with reality. If you do not accept the truth you will not be able to develop any further coping mechanisms, and that is why I have put this as the first point.

2. Know that you are not alone
When you get told that you are sick it is easy to feel all alone. Especially at night time. When I had a few months of serious depression in my early 20’s I always noticed that night time was the worst. And others have said the same. Everything is quiet, dark and you feel like the only one awake. But you aren’t. At any one point in time there are thousands of people around the world who know exactly how you feel. And although you might never meet them in this life, there is some sense of strength that comes from realizing that they are out there.

On a more intimate level it is important to realize that your friends and family will be there for you whenever you need. It doesn’t matter what time, day or night, if you need them there by your side do not be afraid to call them or shoot off an sms. They will be glad that you did. They will not feel inconvenienced. They will actually be delighted that they can help in some small way, finally vanquishing that terrible feeling of helplessness.

On a more superficial level you should know that The Daily Mind will always be here. I will always answer comments. It might take me a few hours to see it but I always get them in the end and I will do my absolute best to help you though whatever situation you are in. Please note that I am not a psychologist or a counseling professional, just a boring old philosophy nut who has had some life experience. So there you have it, you are not alone.

3. Develop some gratitude by using compassion
Let me be very clear with you. The strongest and most powerful positive emotion that a human can feel is compassion. The wish for another human being to be free from suffering. It is why our mothers took such good care of us and it is why strangers in the street will risk their lives to help a person in a mugging or a fire. Compassion is going to be your greatest tool in this time of illness. Why? Because it is going to teach you that things could be worse. And developing some gratitude will help to calm your mind and allow more room for positive change.

photo credit: Board Shanty

Let’s think up an example. Say you have just been diagnosed with cancer. You are scared, stressed and perhaps a little bit angry. You start focusing in on the sense of self so tightly that no body else matters. But this makes things worse. Everything anyone says to you is like sandpaper grating on your skin. You become more sensitive and less able to deal with bad news or pain. But shift your focus for a second. Think about all the others out there who have it worse than you.

Even if you are dying of cancer you can still be grateful that you have your family by your side or pain managing medication. A lot of people don’t. Think about the other people out there in worse scenarios than you and feel thankful that this is all you have to deal with. It will give you a lot of energy.

4. Use an ancient meditation technique to forget about your own self concern
All of the Buddhist texts agree on one thing when it comes to sickness: you must engage in the meditation practice called Tonglen. Tonglen is Tibetan for “giving and taking” and is an ancient Buddhist practice that originated with the Indian Buddhist Master called Atisha Dipankara Shrijnana, born in 982 CE. The meditation is easy to do and bears results after only a few sessions. His Holiness the Dalai Lama has said that he does Tonglen every day. So how do you do it?

Find a comfortable seat and sit in the correct meditation posture if you have the energy. Now shift your attention to your breath; the breath is the “vehicle” on which this meditation is based. Now do the following on each breath:

• Inhale
  Imagine all the suffering and illness of all other sentient beings is coming into you in the form of black smoke. It completely takes away everyone’s pain, agony and disease and is destroyed in your lungs. Focus on the intense feeling of compassion, the idea that you are willing to take on other people’s suffering.
• Exhale
  Imagine your exhalation is white light that sends out all your happiness, health and peace of mind to all the sick and dying people around the world. Imagine that that are actually sustained by this exhalation and immediately feel better and more content. Focus on the feelings of love, the idea that you are willing to give all your happiness and health to help your fellow human being.

The first question that new meditation students inevitably ask is, “Will taking on other people’s suffering make me sicker?” The answer is always a definite “NO“. In fact, many yogis in Tibet often found that this practice gave them a new lease on life; more energy and often times helped them overcome some illnesses. There is no correlation between meditation and getting sicker, only the opposite is true. The goal of Tonglen is to shift your focus away from your own self importance and teach you to value others more. Dealing with pain becomes quite easy when you are an expert at this meditation (or so I am told).

photo credit: C-Ali

5. Become acquainted with the Buddhist concept of purification
There are many prayers in Tibetan Buddhism that say that “sickness is good, health is bad“. At first this seems like absolute nonsense but then you read on and it continues that “sickness helps me purify my negative ways, happiness just makes me lazy“. All of a sudden we see that initial comment in the context of mind training and now you have quite a powerful new teaching.

Being a good person is easy when the belly is full. Thinking about love and patience is easy when you are having a wonderful day. But the real test of character comes when you are sick and suffering. How loving are you then? How much patience do you now have? Not a lot. But illness and disease presents us with a unique opportunity to purify our old ways and develop a new way of thinking. It is a situation of great hope and possibility.

Buddhists actually believe that sickness is good because it is purifying bad karma that might have otherwise ripened in a much more serious situation. Imagine you spent five years smoking and got lung cancer. You beat that cancer, quit smoking and approach life with a new sense of vigor and awareness. If you didn’t get sick that would never have happened. In fact, you might have kept smoking and ended up with a much more serious case of cancer. The sickness purified that negative karma.

I am not asking you to accept this idea straight away. In fact, I don’t care if you never accept it. But when you are sick it is important to open your mind to new ideas. Make it pliable. Imagine that your current sickness if purifying your past karma so that you can move on as a brand new person without anything holding you back. Doesn’t that seem like a nice way to view the disease? Its helping you.

6. Find a role model to emulate
The last technique I want to talk about is one that is that of using a role model to give you strength. It is an extremely potent way to give yourself a renewed sense of purpose and power. And it is very easy to do.

When I am feeling sick and sorry for myself I imagine the great yogi Milarepa who endured so many hardships for the benefit of others. He did not let a little cold or flu stop him. He meditated alone in caves with no food or drink for months at a time, sustaining himself only on nettles. He was so determined to reach his goal that he continued working even when he was sick.

Find someone strong and empowering. It might be a religious figure like Jesus or Buddha or someone else that you admire. Think about them when you are feeling down and ask yourself what they might do if they were in your situation. Over time you will find that you take on their strength much like a child copies his mother or father when approaching a new situation.

Conclusion

Getting a serious illness or disease can be the most trying time of your life. But you have a choice. You have an opportunity to use this situation to become a better person, or you can let it depress you. My sincere advice is to start thinking about compassion as much as you can. Become friends with the illness and see it as a positive time in your life, your rare opportunity for growth.

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photo credit: Tom Spender

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” – Robert Frost

The day I finished school I packed my bags, borrowed some money from my mother and got on a plane to the Himalayas. I needed a teacher. I needed someone who could help guide me in my life, help me to make sense of the world I was living in. And after a few months of frightening train rides, painful illness and agonizing angst I found my teacher. As I sat there in a crowd of students listening to his talk I picked up on a very stark theme – you must become your own teacher.

Life gives you two options: learn or complain

As I get older I start to see that there are two types of people in this world. There are those who see the lessons and meaning in their life and there are those who complain. And its not just about optimism and pessimism. It goes deeper than that. Some people, for example, are naturally very pessimistic but when something goes wrong they choose to see it as a lesson. This is a very valuable trait to have and to develop.

Human experience is common. We are all different but in a way that makes us all the same. We all want to be happy and we all feel pain and sadness. Although the circumstances of our grief or our pleasure may differ the underlying experience is the same. We cry, we laugh and we die. The thing that differs is not what we feel but how we react to those feelings.

So here and now, as you sit reading this post, take a look back and see if you have been a learner or a complainer. Now is a good time to make a choice. Choose to learn from your life and its ups and downs. Promise not to complain and take the stance of a victim. Starting today you are going to take your life as your teacher.

Learning from suffering

photo credit: Carlos-Martínez

When you choose to take your life as your teacher the first thing you need to do is learn how to deal with and view suffering. Here are a few ideas that I have discovered over my life, perhaps they will resonate with you.

1. Don’t try to stop the suffering
For some warped reason most people think that happiness is the absence of suffering. They think that happiness only comes about when there are no problems going on in your life. This is a mistake. There will always be problems and your joyful moments will never last forever. Instead, happiness is when you view your problems and suffering in a new way. When you see suffering as an opportunity instead of a burden you will grow into a much happier person. Don’t try to stop the suffering, just learn to view it in a different way.

2. Only through suffering can you grow
Have you ever met someone who grew up in a rich family, was given everything they ever wanted and never had to fight for anything? Have you noticed how vacuous and empty they are? Have you witness how weak their spirit is? That is because they have never experienced any great suffering and as such they missed out on the only opportunity there is for true inner growth.

Suffering is a catalyst for change. It is only through suffering that you grow and learn lessons about yourself and the world around you. View suffering as a great friend because unlike anyone else you know, suffering can make you into a better person.

3. It is your only choice
This point may sound somewhat doomed but it is a reality. You really don’t have a choice; if you want to be happy in this world you need to view suffering in a new way. Suffering will always occur. Old age, sickness and death are inevitable and cannot be avoided. Armed with this knowledge you need to adopt a new, more open stance towards the darker times in your life.

Learning from happiness

photo credit: Perfecto Insecto

Life is not just suffering. There are many happy moments that occur from time to time. It is important to learn from these moments too – not just to let them fade away like a mirage or a dream. If you want to take your life as your teacher you need to look at the lessons of the happy times.

1. Everyone wants to be happy
When you experience happiness you feel wonderful and you want it to last forever. You hate it when the moment ends. One thing you can extract from this event is that everyone feels the same way as you do. Everyone wants to be happy and no one wants to experience pain and suffering. This is a wonderful method for developing compassion towards other living creatures. Next time you are laughing and having an amazing time cast your mind outwards and think about everyone else who wishes they were doing what you are.

2. Happiness doesn’t last
Whenever I write about impermanence I get emails from readers telling me to stop being so depressing. But I keep writing about it. Why? Because I truly believe that the idea of impermanence is something that everyone needs to be introduced to. Our parents rarely talk about it. It isn’t taught in school. But the one truth of this life is that nothing lasts, especially happiness.

When you are happy you need to live in the moment but you also need to let it go when it ends. Happy times can never last forever. Soon the people gathered at the party will part or the movie you are watching will end. But this is a source of great hope because you can be free of the suffering of change and loss if you are acutely aware that it will occur. Next time you are doing something that makes you happy remember that it is going to end and you won’t be as sad when it does.

3. Happiness is dependent upon others
In the west we spend so much time talking about “me” and “mine” that we often overlook the kindness of other people. When you begin to analyze and look at your life you will discover the 90% of the time your happiness is dependent upon others. This is a fantastic realization because it helps you to see how interconnected we all are.

Now, I am not saying that you need to rely on others to be happy. This is not some state where you are miserable whenever you are alone. That is not the point. What I am saying is that when you are happy it usually has something to do with other people. Think about how many people went into the production of a great movie. Without them you wouldn’t experience the joy of the cinema. Open up your mind and look at how kind other people have been to you. Life will become more joyful.

Conclusion

Life is one lessons after another. Some lessons are hard to learn, others are easy. But you really have no choice. If you want to be happy you need to view your life as a teacher or you will spend the rest of your days cursing all the mistakes, errors and pains that you experienced. Look at your ups and downs as a lesson. And if you have any tips or ideas to share please leave a comment.

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photo credit: sevenfloorsdown

He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. – Benjamin Franklin

When was the last time you made a resolve to achieve something, set a deadline and then achieved it? Can you even remember the last time? I’m struggling. And the reason I am struggling to remember such a time is because of excuses. I make them for everything; consciously and unconsciously. Without noticing it, excuses have become a habit that I am struggling to shake.

In this post I want to talk about the excuses culture that we have develop within ourselves and why we use excuses to protect ourselves from feelings of failure and fear. Hopefully it will spur some readers out there into action.

Why we make excuses

Photo credit: Franzi in der Wiese

A few years ago I was sitting in the car with a friend of mine having a conversation (argument) about how I always seem to find a way out of things. At the end of the debate he said something that has stayed at the front of my mind, something that I think about whenever I am feeling like making an excuse. He said:

“You have always found things easy. You are good at everything. But you aren’t great at anything because you make excuses. You would rather be the ‘potential’ to be great than actually try and fail. And that is sad.”

He was right. All my life I have been naturally gifted at sport and academics. I didn’t have to work hard to get good. But I never really excelled at anything. I never worked really hard to become great at a certain activity. Why? Because I was afraid of failure. I was afraid of trying and not getting there.

My parents role in this habit
I never blame my parents for anything in my life. I simply do not feel like it is a productive exercise. But I can see how certain things they did impacted the way I turned out. And one of those things was how my mother always told me how amazing I could be. She would constantly tell me how smart I was, how good at soccer I was and how I could become something truly special.

But rather than spurring me on to excellence it seemed to do the opposite. I was comfortable being the potential for greatness. I was afraid to actually give it a shot for fear that I wasn’t actually as smart, talented and athletic as she thought. So I made excuses. Excuses so I wouldn’t have to try.

And we all do it. All the time.

Fear: the reason for most excuses
So why do we make excuses? Why do we find ways to get out of things? Well, for the most part, it is because we are afraid. We are afraid of trying and we are afraid of failing. We are afraid of change and we will do anything to keep the norm functioning. Fear is the reason most of us make excuses.

If you look deep into your own mind and your own behavior you will see that you make excuses to protect your sense of self. We spend our whole lives developing and ego and decorating it with friends and family and money and success and we will do anything to protect our concept of that self. Even if it makes us depressed and unfulfilled. And ultimately that is what excuses do, they make you feel unfulfilled.

How to stop making excuses and move forward

photo credit: Triphamr

People say that the hardest thing you will ever do is quit smoking. But quitting excuses is 10 times harder. Excuses are the reason you started smoking, drinking and eating bad food. You make an excuse not to be healthy and an excuse not to be happy. Breaking the excuse culture is damn hard work. Here are some things you can do.

1. Realize that you do it all the time
As always, you need to take a look at yourself and really truly realize that you make mistakes. Find concrete examples of where you have sabotaged your progress by making an excuse and remember that incident. Bring it to mind whenever you feel like doing it again.

2. Look at your (lack of) progress
Take a look at how much progress you have made with your meditation, athletics, mortgage repayments or family weekend time. See how many excuses you have made and how that has affected your progress is a very real way. Until you can see that it is doing damage you will have no real impetus to stop.

3. Realize that death is coming
People always send me emails saying that I am too depressing when I talk about death. I always reply saying “it is depressing not to talk about it”. For too long our species has made death a taboo subject when, in fact, it is the only thing in life that is certain. Understand that death is coming and that you have no time for excuses. Not any. Its too hot, too cold, too nice inside, I’m too tired, I have a headache… all of those sound like absolute bullshit when you are on your deathbed looking back at what you didn’t achieve.

4. Realize you do it out of fear
If you go up to a fat man in the street and tell him that he is a coward he will probably punch you in the face. Men don’t like to be considered afraid, but that is exactly what we are. We make excuses because we are afraid. Why, then, do we still do it? If someone told us that we were afraid of something else we would do everything in our power to change and prove that we are brave. Do that now with excuses. Prove that you are not afraid of failure, change or losing the norm.

5. Be different in five years time
How different are you now to five years ago? Are you more loving, compassionate, patient, strong, rich, happy, thin, etc.? Take a look at whatever goal you have in your life and see how much closer you are to it now than you were five years ago. If you can say you are happy with your progress then chances are you don’t have a problem with excuses. If you are almost exactly the same then you can bet your right eye on the fact that you are stagnant because you are sabotaging your progress by saying “its too hard” or “its too cold outside”. Be different in five years time and stop making excuses.

Do you make excuses?

I would love to know how many of my readers consider themselves to be excuse makers. What kind of excuses do you come up with and how (if at all) have you dealt with them? Have your excuses held you back from being all that you can be? And how have you felt the weight of this “potential” slowing you down in life? Is it easier to not try?

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