How to Cope With a Serious Illness or Disease
photo credit: Brian Vallelunga
“May the pain of every living creature be completely cleared away. May I be the doctor and the medicine and may I be the nurse for all sick beings in the world until everyone is healed.” – Shantideva
According to the Buddha there are four inevitable stages in our life: birth, old age, death and sickness. We will all get an illness at some point in our lives. Some will only suffer a bad flu whilst others will have to stand face to face with a serious disease like cancer or HIV. A few years ago my closest high school buddy got diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of cancer and during that painful and testing time I went to the ancient texts of India and Tibet for some sort of philosophical help about dealing with an illness. Since that time we have also talked a lot about the illness and a lot about what got him through it. Today I would like to share some of those techniques with you and your family members.
With a few minor adjustments you can turn the experience of being sick into something positive where you grow into a braver and stronger person. Illness is one of the only times in life where you get to truly discover your potential. Without this attitude the whole debacle is just a waste of time.
BE INTERACTIVE – If you have any other methods that I have not mentioned please leave a comment as it might really help someone. Similarly, if you or someone you love is sick and you need a friend to talk to I will always answer your comments. We also have a lot of caring, knowledgeable and loving readers who will do the same.
How to cope with a serious illness or disease
photo credit: [expletive deleted]
Although I myself have never been seriously ill, it seems as though a lot of the people around me have. I hope that some of these techniques benefit any sick people out there, either directly by reading it or by a loved one passing it on. Most of the techniques I discuss in this article come from a Eastern Philosophical background and as such they might contain some foreign concepts. That’s okay. Sometimes you need something a little different to get you through.
1. Accept that you are now sick
Quite often the first thing you notice about someone who has a serious disease is how they go about their life as if nothing is going wrong. It is obviously a coping mechanism, but it can often lead to some very painful times as the truth begins to set in as symptoms and pain begin to get worse. If you have just been given some bad news from your doctor it is important to accept it right away. This does not mean getting all glum and depressed, it just means that you are in touch with reality. If you do not accept the truth you will not be able to develop any further coping mechanisms, and that is why I have put this as the first point.
2. Know that you are not alone
When you get told that you are sick it is easy to feel all alone. Especially at night time. When I had a few months of serious depression in my early 20’s I always noticed that night time was the worst. And others have said the same. Everything is quiet, dark and you feel like the only one awake. But you aren’t. At any one point in time there are thousands of people around the world who know exactly how you feel. And although you might never meet them in this life, there is some sense of strength that comes from realizing that they are out there.
On a more intimate level it is important to realize that your friends and family will be there for you whenever you need. It doesn’t matter what time, day or night, if you need them there by your side do not be afraid to call them or shoot off an sms. They will be glad that you did. They will not feel inconvenienced. They will actually be delighted that they can help in some small way, finally vanquishing that terrible feeling of helplessness.
On a more superficial level you should know that The Daily Mind will always be here. I will always answer comments. It might take me a few hours to see it but I always get them in the end and I will do my absolute best to help you though whatever situation you are in. Please note that I am not a psychologist or a counseling professional, just a boring old philosophy nut who has had some life experience. So there you have it, you are not alone.
3. Develop some gratitude by using compassion
Let me be very clear with you. The strongest and most powerful positive emotion that a human can feel is compassion. The wish for another human being to be free from suffering. It is why our mothers took such good care of us and it is why strangers in the street will risk their lives to help a person in a mugging or a fire. Compassion is going to be your greatest tool in this time of illness. Why? Because it is going to teach you that things could be worse. And developing some gratitude will help to calm your mind and allow more room for positive change.
photo credit: Board Shanty
Let’s think up an example. Say you have just been diagnosed with cancer. You are scared, stressed and perhaps a little bit angry. You start focusing in on the sense of self so tightly that no body else matters. But this makes things worse. Everything anyone says to you is like sandpaper grating on your skin. You become more sensitive and less able to deal with bad news or pain. But shift your focus for a second. Think about all the others out there who have it worse than you.
Even if you are dying of cancer you can still be grateful that you have your family by your side or pain managing medication. A lot of people don’t. Think about the other people out there in worse scenarios than you and feel thankful that this is all you have to deal with. It will give you a lot of energy.
4. Use an ancient meditation technique to forget about your own self concern
All of the Buddhist texts agree on one thing when it comes to sickness: you must engage in the meditation practice called Tonglen. Tonglen is Tibetan for “giving and taking” and is an ancient Buddhist practice that originated with the Indian Buddhist Master called Atisha Dipankara Shrijnana, born in 982 CE. The meditation is easy to do and bears results after only a few sessions. His Holiness the Dalai Lama has said that he does Tonglen every day. So how do you do it?
Find a comfortable seat and sit in the correct meditation posture if you have the energy. Now shift your attention to your breath; the breath is the “vehicle” on which this meditation is based. Now do the following on each breath:
- Inhale
Imagine all the suffering and illness of all other sentient beings is coming into you in the form of black smoke. It completely takes away everyone’s pain, agony and disease and is destroyed in your lungs. Focus on the intense feeling of compassion, the idea that you are willing to take on other people’s suffering. - Exhale
Imagine your exhalation is white light that sends out all your happiness, health and peace of mind to all the sick and dying people around the world. Imagine that that are actually sustained by this exhalation and immediately feel better and more content. Focus on the feelings of love, the idea that you are willing to give all your happiness and health to help your fellow human being.
The first question that new meditation students inevitably ask is, “Will taking on other people’s suffering make me sicker?” The answer is always a definite “NO“. In fact, many yogis in Tibet often found that this practice gave them a new lease on life; more energy and often times helped them overcome some illnesses. There is no correlation between meditation and getting sicker, only the opposite is true. The goal of Tonglen is to shift your focus away from your own self importance and teach you to value others more. Dealing with pain becomes quite easy when you are an expert at this meditation (or so I am told).
5. Become acquainted with the Buddhist concept of purification
There are many prayers in Tibetan Buddhism that say that “sickness is good, health is bad“. At first this seems like absolute nonsense but then you read on and it continues that “sickness helps me purify my negative ways, happiness just makes me lazy“. All of a sudden we see that initial comment in the context of mind training and now you have quite a powerful new teaching.
Being a good person is easy when the belly is full. Thinking about love and patience is easy when you are having a wonderful day. But the real test of character comes when you are sick and suffering. How loving are you then? How much patience do you now have? Not a lot. But illness and disease presents us with a unique opportunity to purify our old ways and develop a new way of thinking. It is a situation of great hope and possibility.
Buddhists actually believe that sickness is good because it is purifying bad karma that might have otherwise ripened in a much more serious situation. Imagine you spent five years smoking and got lung cancer. You beat that cancer, quit smoking and approach life with a new sense of vigor and awareness. If you didn’t get sick that would never have happened. In fact, you might have kept smoking and ended up with a much more serious case of cancer. The sickness purified that negative karma.
I am not asking you to accept this idea straight away. In fact, I don’t care if you never accept it. But when you are sick it is important to open your mind to new ideas. Make it pliable. Imagine that your current sickness if purifying your past karma so that you can move on as a brand new person without anything holding you back. Doesn’t that seem like a nice way to view the disease? Its helping you.
6. Find a role model to emulate
The last technique I want to talk about is one that is that of using a role model to give you strength. It is an extremely potent way to give yourself a renewed sense of purpose and power. And it is very easy to do.
When I am feeling sick and sorry for myself I imagine the great yogi Milarepa who endured so many hardships for the benefit of others. He did not let a little cold or flu stop him. He meditated alone in caves with no food or drink for months at a time, sustaining himself only on nettles. He was so determined to reach his goal that he continued working even when he was sick.
Find someone strong and empowering. It might be a religious figure like Jesus or Buddha or someone else that you admire. Think about them when you are feeling down and ask yourself what they might do if they were in your situation. Over time you will find that you take on their strength much like a child copies his mother or father when approaching a new situation.
Conclusion
Getting a serious illness or disease can be the most trying time of your life. But you have a choice. You have an opportunity to use this situation to become a better person, or you can let it depress you. My sincere advice is to start thinking about compassion as much as you can. Become friends with the illness and see it as a positive time in your life, your rare opportunity for growth.
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