Today is the last day of the decade. I still remember how my day was at December 31, 1999. The whole world was waiting for the new millennium. There were big celebrations all around the world. Some people worried that the computers would crash when the new millennium began.

It’s hard to believe, but that day had been ten years ago! It’s amazing how fast time flies.

How has your life been this decade? How are you today compared with you were ten years ago? Do you think you’ve been the best that you can be?

Let’s ponder these questions as the new decade coming. And let’s make the new decade a much better one for all of us.

Happy new year!

Photo by mangloard

I like doing thought experiments because they can reveal a lot about why we do the things we do. Today, I’d like to propose a simple thought experiment for all the students reading here:

What if you never graduated from university?

Not that you would drop out, but simply that you could never complete your degree program. Here are a few immediate consequences that spring to mind:

1. You would never get a diploma. Nobody would ever hand you a piece of paper declaring your knowledge in a particular field.
2. You would never stop going to classes.
3. You would need to balance education with earning an income. Classes cost money, or at the very least, don’t pay you (excluding scholarships). Therefore living would mean striking a balance with your perpetual school work and income demands.
4. University wouldn’t be a “phase”. Rather than just being a bizarre time in your life segregated with your peers away from the “real world”, school would just be another facet of regular life. Like going to the gym or doing laundry.

This is Happening Now

I bring up this thought experiment because I believe something close to this may be the reality very soon for more people.

With universities increasingly offering so-called “open courseware” and the abundance of self-education resources on the web, it seems likely that there will emerge a class of people who never leave the educational setting.

Sure, these people will need careers and face the demands of regular life, so I think the Van Wilder-esque stereotype of the perpetual student isn’t accurate. But, I do foresee, with increasing access to cheap self-education material, the numbers of Renaissance men and women who are deeply educated will increase.

How Will You Compete?

Admittedly, just as most people today haven’t touched a book after school, most people will continue to treat learning as a 4-year program. But even if this shift in the ease and quality in self-education resources increases the autodidacts from 0.2% to 1%, you’d still have 5x as many people wildly knowledgeable about almost everything.

I think this shift is really raising the bar for what will be expected of people to compete in a modern world. Mediocre skill and partial education aren’t going to cut it when a kid from Mumbai can accumulate a PhD’s worth of knowledge from the web.

However, I think for most the people here, this represents a fantastic opportunity. Many of the people here are interested in ruthless self-education and working on the slow and hard path to mastery. I think if any group will benefit from these shifts, it’s probably the typical profile of the person reading this blog.

Education Forever?

Tim Ferriss helped popularize the concept of the 4-Hour Workweek by offering readers a thought experiment: what if you could never retire? Considering the layoffs, recession and struggling pension plans, that isn’t so farfetched in today’s world.

So I want you to consider an alternate hypothesis: that the world expects you never to graduate from school (at least, unofficially). That you may never reach a point where your life transitions from learn to work, and instead is always a mix.

How would you live in such a world? Do you already? I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts in the comments.

I’m a fan of meta-skills. These are the skills that allow you to learn faster and master new disciplines more quickly. I love meta-skills so much that a good portion of this blog writing, and my entire upcoming program are devoted to them.

One of the most important meta-skills for becoming good at anything is being able to push through the frustration barrier. This is the early phase of skill acquisition where you suck at it. The skill isn’t fun, because you haven’t reached the level of proficiency where you can actually enjoy it.

A perfect example is learning a foreign language. When I started learning French, the process was difficult. Speaking French wasn’t enjoyable. I had difficulty understanding simple things and the effort wasn’t rewarding.

Now, I’m still not fluent, but I actually enjoy French. I’m reading my first novel in the language (The Count of Monte Cristo) and I’m currently spending my winter holidays with a Belgian family, speaking French exclusively. These are experiences I wouldn’t have enjoyed if I had got stuck at square one.

How the Frustration Barrier Cuts You Off From New Experiences

The frustration barrier doesn’t just make learning more difficult, it also cuts you off from new life experiences. When you face the barrier repeatedly in one area of skill, you may confess to yourself that you are simply not born with the talents necessary to be successful in that area.

In my life, an interesting consequence of this was dancing. When I was younger, I was a bit clumsy and introverted. Therefore I never tried dancing, and when I did I was lousy at it. I had just accepted that I might not possess the gene for uninhibited party enjoyment.

But, being the optimist that I am, I signed up for dancing classes one day. After a brief introduction (note: overcoming the frustration barrier) I found out I actually liked to dance. To the point where I love going to nightclubs and dancing.

That’s a simple example, but I think many people get in there head a false belief that, “I’m not born with the talents to do ____” simply because they never invested the initial effort to overcome the frustration barrier in that area of their life.

The Meta-Skill of Rapid Learners: Dominating the Frustration Barrier

I later discovered that most people can become good at almost anything (not necessarily spectacular, but good). The key is mastering that meta-skill of overcoming the frustration barrier. Once you defeat the early part of skill acquisition where learning is painful, you can start reaching the part where mastery and hard focus feel good.

I don’t believe there is one grand key to overcoming the frustration barrier. But I do believe there are many heuristics you can use to help yourself push through this difficult phase.

As always, practice is important. If you practice running headlong into the frustration barrier, it is easier to do it again. This is why I believe people like Tim Ferriss, Benny Lewis or other seemingly statistical anomalies in learning exist. They have mastered the meta-skill of frustration barrier ascension, so that any new skill is comparatively easier to acquire.

Here are some of my favorite heuristics for overcoming this initial phase:

#1 – Admit You Suck.

Let go of the ego. When you just flatly admit you aren’t very good, you stop trying to protect your self image and appear qualified.

This may go against the traditional confidence hypothesis, until you understand that the goal isn’t performance. It’s to embrace your awfulness and use that embrace to keep you going despite your missteps.

#2 – Surround Yourself with People Who’ve Done It

You need to believe it’s possible. The only way to do that is to be immersed in people who have succeeded in the path you are now going through.

Not only will their great ideas for success rub off on you, you will be able to face the frustration barrier knowing that, at one point, it will get easier.

#3 – Study the Mastery Process

Or, as Cal Newport would suggest, invest a non-trivial amount of time into understanding how to master your chosen skill. When you do research two things happen:

1. You expose yourself to great ideas for improvement which shorten the time to mastery.
2. You gain confidence in the process of mastery, making it less likely you’ll give up out of frustration.

#4 – Enjoy Being Awful

I’ll admit, it’s easier to enjoy things your good at. However, just like you can have fun on a cloudy day, you can have fun being lousy at a skill as well. Fun is mostly about creative perception, so if you learn to enjoy the intensity of the challenge you are under, you can surmount the frustration barrier.

#5 – Commit to Mandatory Practice

Sometimes the best way to beat the frustration barrier is just through discipline. If you commit to practicing a certain amount, every day, you can eventually defeat the beast just by putting in enough time. I’ve done this for numerous fledgling skills where my internal resistance would otherwise defeat my desire to become good at it.

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Of course, having a community of enthusiastic people and regular follow-up doesn’t hurt either. That’s the main reason I created Learning on Steroids, to create an environment to teach these sorts of meta-skills (while at the same time employing some of the tactics above to make it easier to overcome the frustration barrier).

Whenever the subject of why some people learn faster comes up, I get a whole host of common answers:

1. Some people are just naturally smart. (Often implying you can’t improve)
2. Everyone is “smart” in there own way. (Nonsense, research indicates different “intelligences” often correlate)
3. IQ is all in the genes. (Except IQ changes with age and IQ tests can be studied for, like any other test)

There may be some truth to these claims. But, I don’t believe that means that average learners are doomed to mediocrity. I’ve met and heard of many people who went from middle to spectacular students after changing their learning habits and finding motivation.

Considering the upcoming launch of my rapid learning program, I wanted to share my favorite tactics to learn faster, retain information better or just enjoy the process of learning more:

#1 – Pegging (or How Mental Magicians can Perfectly Recall Hundreds of Numbers)

One of my favorite learning tactics, that is rarely mentioned, is pegging. This is a great tool for remembering numbers, provided you practice it.

The systems I’ve seen typically work with a special cheat sheet. This is a list of the digits 0-9 which each correspond to the sound of a consonant. All you need to do is memorize the corresponding consonant and digit match (e.g. 0 = t, 1 = s, 2 = k, 3 = r, etc.)

From there, you can translate any series of numbers into a series of letters. Now all you need to do is make groups of letters into nouns by adding vowels between the consonants. So 201 becomes, k-t-s, which can become “kites”, for example.

Then, once you have your string of nouns, you just need to create a story that combines each of the nouns in a sequence. To translate them back you only need to remember the story and decompose the objects back into their original digits.

#2 – Metaphor (Juliet is the sun… or is she a chemical formula?)

Here’s a quick way to separate the rapid learners from the average learners. Ask them to give you an analogy for whatever they are learning. The rapid learners probably have already thought of at least one analogy, application or metaphor. Slower learners usually are baffled by the question.

Linking ideas allows you to retain them longer and understand them better. Shakespeare isn’t the only one who should be making connections between ideas.

#3 – Total Immersion (Or How a Guy Can Become Fluent in 8 Languages)

Benny Lewis became fluent in eight languages in under a decade. More, his current goal is to become fluent in a new language in under 3 months. When I asked him how he achieved this his answer was straightforward: “I stop speaking English. I do everything in the language I want to learn.”

When you’re totally immersed in a subject (or language), even if you’re lost, you’ll learn far faster than everyone who just dabbles.

#4 – Visceralization (What does a derivative look like?)

When we were kids, we played with crayons and drew pictures of fantastic things that never existed outside our imagination. What happened?

Now most of us feel embarrassed if we try to imagine anything exciting or creative with what we learn. This is, I believe, a key reason many people struggle scholastically. They try to memorize exactly the way they were taught, instead of visualizing the material in an inventive way.

When I recently had to write a test on international labor law, a key topic was the International Labor Organization. Rather than memorize facts, I drew a picture of a creature which had three heads for each of the sections of the ILO, one with 4 mouths for each of the different delegates. In all, I managed to incorporate a page of notes into one picture.

Learning only needs to be boring because you make it that way.

#5 – Linking (Or How to Remember a Grocery List Without the Paper)

Like pegging, linking is another trick mental magicians use. The idea here is that you form a chain, linking each item in a sequence to the next item. You form these links by imagining bizarre and surreal pictures which combine the two elements.

For a simple list like Milk -> Honey -> Apples, you would need to form a link between milk and honey, which you could imagine a giant cow that had bees which came from its udders instead of milk. For the honey and apples, you could imagine an giant apple beehive swarming with tiny apple seeds.

Like pegging this technique can go far beyond the scope of this article. I’ve used it successfully to remember lists of abstract principles that need to be memorized in a sequence for tests.

#6 – The 5-Year Old Method (Try explaining quantum physics to a first grader)

Most rapid learners know how to simplify an explanation. Obviously, actually explaining your masters thesis to a first grader might be impossible. But the goal is to reduce the complexity, by explaining, breaking down and using analogies, so that someone far below your current academic level could understand it.

If you can teach an idea, you can learn that idea.

#7 – Ambiance Catalysts (Or How Drinking a Pint Can Improve Your Studying)

Cal Newport, wrote about the importance of context when studying. If you lock yourself away in a library to get work done, no wonder you’re going to hate it. If the ambiance is appealing, it can push you to get working.

He suggests even going to a quiet bar with your reading material and ordering a beer.How’s that for a more inviting study setting?

#8 – Diagrams (Who said doodling in class was wrong?)

It turns out doodlers perform better in mental retention tests than non-doodlers. I would add even that if the drawings you create in a class are related to the course material, you would probably learn even better.

#9 – Speed Reading (Or How to Read 70 Books in a Year)

Speed reading is less about speed and more about control. Just as racecar driving is more about controlling speed for tight turns, rather than just hitting the accelerator.

If you want to speed read, the basics are:

1. Use your finger as a pointer to underline the text as you read it. This reduces the impact of saccades and distractions in slowing your reading time.
2. Practice reading books faster than you can comprehend, by moving your finger faster. This “practice skimming” helps you improve your comprehension at higher reading rates.
3. Stop subvocalizing. Practice reading faster than you can say the words aloud in your head. Subvocalization can help at slower speeds, but if you require it to read, you’re top speed will be reduced.

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As a quick side-note, Learning on Steroids now has close to 900 people on the pre-launch list. Despite this, I only have room for 100 people when we go live in January. If you want a chance to get in on the program, you better put your name in now.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Note: This is a guest post by Mark Foo of 77 Success Traits

If you’re leading a group of people towards success, you must learn how to motivate others. If you concentrate on understanding what motivates others and you meet the needs of these people, you’ll be on the right track for a positive and enlightening experience for all involved.

Once a person’s base needs are met, they usually move on to working on certain needs of self fulfillment. For example, if someone is hungry, they won’t be able to concentrate on a critical thinking task. In this case you’ll need to make sure that this person has had lunch before the task needs to be completed. But how can you motivate them to complete certain tasks once base needs have been fulfilled?

Try one or more of the following ways of motivating people:

1. Treat People Kindly. As a leader you need to treat the people helping you with the utmost respect and kindness. Hand out praise when it’s warranted. You might not know it, but it’s a big motivation booster when people are treated right. People enjoy knowing when they’re doing a good job and enjoy working with people that treat others with kindness.

2. Give People Responsibility. If there are certain tasks that you’re allowed to delegate to others, by all means choose someone to take responsibility for that task. When people are fully responsible, they’ll be more likely to find the motivation to complete the task. This is because, as a part of a group, they may not feel like their hard work matters, but when they’re responsible it certainly matters. They also know that they’re being held accountable for the success or failure of the project.

3. Be a Good Listener. No one likes to feel like they don’t matter. Just because you have final say doesn’t mean that you can’t get some help with important decision making. People enjoy feeling like they’re making a difference. Always keep an open ear and you’ll be motivating your team to come up with solutions and creative ideas.

4. Set Stretched Goals. Think long and hard about how your goal setting abilities can teach you how to motivate others. You don’t want to set goals that are too easy. Your team might reach them quickly but they won’t be pushed to become the best they can be. On the other end, you don’t want to set goals that are unattainable either. Your team will quickly lose motivation because they’ll never get the feeling of having met their goals. You want to find a goal that would push them to achieve just a little more than they have in the past and keep going from there.

5. Get to Know People. You may not want to be personal friends with your colleagues, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t get to know them as people. Keep lines of communication open and get to know your team by paying attention to their wants, needs, strengths and weaknesses. People are smart and they’ll know when they have a leader that cares and a leader that doesn’t. They’ll certainly be more motivated to work hard for somebody that cares about them.

6. Keep Everyone in the Know. Nobody likes to be left in the dark. Make sure that you’re open about your thinking and decisions with the people you’re motivating. Sure, sometimes there will be things that you’re not supposed to share. You just need to make an effort to spread the word around when you can communicate important issues.

Remember that when you’re working on motivating others, it’s definitely important to strengthen their sense of belonging. You’re leading a little family and when everyone’s happy, they’re motivated to achieve big things.

Mark Foo has brought together 48 personal development bloggers and writers to co-author The 77 Traits of Highly Successful People eBook that spells out all of the success secrets of the very successful people. This eBook is available to you FREE and you can grab your free copy now at http://www.77SuccessTraits.com.

Photo by Darcy McCarty

Do your friends need to share your values, interests and philosophy of life?

I believe the answer is no.

As a self-described vegetarian, entrepreneur, speed-reading dance machine, do most of my friends match my eclectic interests and approach to life? Certainly not.

My current roommate is delightfully unambitious, guitar-playing skateboarder. To my constant surprise he seems uninformed on most current issues. Also, throughout our stay here in France he started, got addicted and quit smoking in a six week period.

Despite our differences, I consider him a great roommate and a good friend.

What Doesn’t Makes Great Friendships

Values and ways of thinking are often touted as the principle ingredients in a good relationship (platonic and otherwise). So, if I’m a vegetarian, anarchist or Star Trek fanatic, then I should seek out plant-eating, government-hating Trekkies.

My experience has taught me otherwise. I’ve met plenty of people that, on the surface, share my goals of self-improvement, learning or entrepreneurship, but found them unbearable in conversation. Despite all our similarities, we didn’t click.

At the same time, I’ve met people who have completely opposite viewpoints and we became great friends.

I now believe that, while values and philosophy may be important in a relationship, it’s pretty low on the list.

What Does Make Good Friendships?

In reviewing the bonds I’ve formed with people over my life, I think the most important pattern is not shared interests, but shared situations. When you share a mutual situation, struggle or challenging experience, that creates a bond far faster than any deeper values you hold or personality.

As an example, my best friend and I met in our first year of university. He had just come from India, and all all-boys boarding school. I came from a small town where I was shy and socially awkward.

We really bonded over figuring out socializing and dating.

It wasn’t that we had a lot in common. We have fairly different personalities and many of our approaches on life differ dramatically. But, being in the same situation and going through the same challenges, caused a comradery to form.

My experience with my current roommate is another perfect example. We became good friends in spite of having almost polar opposite personalities and viewpoints, because of our shared situation. We were both Canadians, figuring out how to live in France.

Shared situation, different personalities.

Do You Even Want Like-Minded Friends?

For most of my friendships, I would say having people who are too like-minded is a disadvantage. People who think like you can’t challenge you intellectually. They can’t offer you an alternative perspective on life and on key issues.

My best friend and I frequently get in disagreements over dating, as we have different cultural and philosophical attitudes about the process. But far from ruin our friendship, I think these disagreements help us both in refining our thinking. Being challenged on my ideas forces me to think them through.

Living with someone who is decidedly relaxed and easy going forces me to evaluate all my positions on ambition, stress and lifestyle choice. Even if I don’t convert to a bohemian way of life, I can still learn valuable lessons from the practice.

I think there is a tradeoff between comfort and growth. Like-minded friends have an easier time comforting you in moments of doubt, because they reinforce your current worldview. However, divergent friends force you to reevaluate and consider new options.

Networking Tip: Ignore Values, Focus on Mutual Challenges

If you want to build a network of close friends, I don’t think talking about your philosophical similarities is the best starting point. Sure, it can make for an interesting point of conversation, but it doesn’t make a bond.

Instead, I would try to find common challenges you share. Figure out what are the things both of you are facing, or have faced, and share that.

I’ve spoken and exchanged emails with Benny Lewis. I believe the connection was made, not because of personality, but because I’m learning my first foreign language (Benny speaks eight) and he’s just started a new blog (I’ve been writing mine for 4 years).

This is still a new hypothesis of mine on relationship forming. But in the future, I’m going to try to focus on finding currently shared challenges, rather than currently shared values when meeting new people.

From the Web

Overcoming Bias Rebuttal on Status Honesty – Interesting response from Robin Hanson about my article on the inner conflict of seeking status. Excerpt:

No, no.  Scott, you are thinking you are built with separate desires for status and creative expression (etc.), which you must consciously trade against one another.  But we rarely need to consciously try to achieve status; usually the details of our desire for creative expression (etc.) are already designed to achieve status.

I agree with Hanson, but I don’t feel this invalidates my previous argument. In addition to the cloaked desires for status deeply embedded in our psyche for status (creative expression, charity, etc.) we also have a strong need for recognition and power directly. It’s this direct need for power that I believe many people struggle with.

Other drives which may, evolutionarily, have been for status reasons, are so well hidden that I doubt the conflict rears its head too frequently, or if it did, we would even care.

For example: Mother Theresa may have pursued recognition from an evol psych perspective, but since the desire was camouflaged by a real sense of charity that she felt and others believed, the conflict doesn’t seem important.

Learning on Steroids Update

For those of you just tuning in, in January, I’ll be launching a new program designed to allow students to implement rapid learning tactics in their life.

My analogy for the program is like a virtual gym membership, but for your brain. Through regular, ass-kicking emails you’ll be connected to a group of people all working to take action to improve their study habits.

For the first month of the program, I’ll be following the program with everyone else. I’m another learner too, so I want to take advantage of the community to help improve my skills.

Unfortunately, because this is a new concept I want to test adequately before growing the membership, spaces in the program are strictly limited to 100. And, after a generous mention of the program by Cal Newport, I now have over 700 people on the pre-launch list.

Selling out fast is a real possibility, so if you want a chance to get in on the action, sign up for the pre-launch here.

photo credit: bogers

The Ethical Dilemma discussions that we have here at The Daily Mind are fast becoming my favorite time of the month. I love sitting back and watching your educated but passionate comments roll in. Sometimes I get a laugh out of them, sometimes I walk away really quite upset. But I always learn something.

Today I want to look at two topics that have always been interesting to me; forgiveness and loyalty. I want you to read the situation (as always) and leave the most honest comment you can. Now, when I say honest I mean as “real” as possible. Try not to answer with what you would theoretically hope you’d do, but rather what you actually think you would do. Here it is:

You and your father are out for dinner one summer evening. Part way through the meal he excuses himself and goes to the bathroom. He is gone for a long time. A very long time. After a while you get worried and head to the bathroom to investigate. The door is locked. You knock and call out to him and he opens it and pulls you in whilst making sure no one is looking. There is a man lying dead on the floor. You ask what happened and you father explains that he killed the man after he had tried to steal his wallet. He orders you not to tell anyone. The two of you walk out and leave the restaurant.

What do you do? Do you call the police? Do you forgive your father and move on? What would you do in this situation? I am particularly interested in how your loyalties pan out and whether that affects your ability to forgive/dob him in. Does it make a difference that he is your father?

NOTE – All of these situations are hypothetical. My father has never killed anyone to my knowledge.

Leave a comment.

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“They say that for every open audition for a role, there are 500 applicants. But that isn’t too important, so long as you remember 490 of those applicants are idiots.”

This was an example given to me by Cal Newport (although the origin is lost). The numbers aren’t real, but I think the message is accurate. When we compare ourselves against the average, we forget an important fact:

Most people don’t try.

Yes, there are exceptions (and I’ll get to them), but for many areas of life it isn’t too difficult to rise above the average. This was my startling discovery several years ago that led me to write for this blog.

If you are focused and committed, you’ve already placed yourself above the majority in most pursuits. If you are focused, committed and have any strategy at all, you are probably in the top 10-20%.

What’s the Chance of Earning Your Black-Belt in Karate?

To me, questions like these are stupid to ask. Because the probability of success is tied tightly to the amount of commitment and motivation you have prior to making the attempt.

Arguments like, “97% of people who attend karate class fail to receive their black-belt,” as a justification for why you are likely to fail don’t make sense. Of the 97% of failures, how many weren’t really committed to investing the time to finish? How many people sign up for a month and drop out?

This might be obvious for a skill like karate, but how often do you here the statement that, “80% of new businesses fail”?

The same logic applies. Knowing an 80% failure rate is meaningless if it includes all the people who didn’t have the same level of commitment as you. Additionally, a person could go through more than one “failed” business before building a successful enterprise.

Benchmark Yourself by Level of Commitment

Using crowd statistics as your benchmark for success is lousy because it ignores your internal level of commitment. I believe that, in most cases, putting a minimal level of effort tends to put you above that average in terms of commitment. For some people, they will be way above the average.

A better way to estimate your odds of success are by comparing yourself against a group with a similar commitment level. This is difficult to do, since this information doesn’t come trickled down through trite statistics.

However, if I were taking on a new pursuit, I would ask myself how committed I am to pursuing it. How long would I be willing to sweat it out before giving up?

Then all I need to do is get a reasonable estimate of the rate of success for people at that level of commitment.

A simple example might be starting a new online business. Assuming your burn rate is low and you can work on it part-time, then the business could feasibly operate for as long as you have patience. In this case, just ask yourself how much patience you have.

If you’d be willing to sweat it out for 2 months, you would probably find the failure rate is pretty high. But if you changed that to 5 years, the odds of eventually figuring it out and earning a full-time income are more in your favor.

*Any* Strategy is Better Than the Typical Strategy

Because the typical strategy is usually no strategy at all. If you have gone to the effort of creating an action plan and you have at least a minimum level of patience to stick with it, you’re already doing far better than most.

I hate that the bar is set so low. But I hate even more that people discount themselves for future success because they don’t realize how low the bar actually sits.

Most of the tactics I advocate (30DTs, weekly/daily goals, holistic learning) aren’t necessarily the best strategies. But they are strategies, and if they motivate you to get started, then they will probably help you do more than most people.

Don’t spend all your time looking for the “best” idea, when almost any idea you can commit to will be a lot better than average.

The Crowd is Us

It isn’t that the crowd is actually stupid, lazy or mediocre. Of course, because the crowd is us.

It’s just that, most of our energy goes in mindlessly maintaining the status quo. Deliberateness in creating a plan and commitment is a rare quality that most people exert infrequently, and even the best of us can only exert sporadically. But when you do, the crowd is fairly easy to beat.

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Abraham Lincoln

There are times in life when things don’t go as expected. Perhaps an important project of yours ended up in failure. Or you got laid off from your job. Whatever it is, it might make you depressed. But you need to get things back under control. You need to keep moving forward. For that, you need to make yourself feel better so that you can face the situation with a positive attitude.

Here are some tips to make yourself feel better when you’re depressed:

1. Calm down

Before anything else, calm yourself down. Don’t panic. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. You can only apply the tips below if you are calm.

2. Feed your mind with positive thoughts

When you’re depressed, it’s easy to fall into a vicious cycle of negative thoughts. The negative cycle makes things look worse than they actually are. It’s important that you break this cycle so that you don’t become a victim of your own thoughts.

To do that, feed your mind with positive thoughts. You may read spiritual texts, motivational books, or inspiring quotes. You may also listen to positive tapes. Listening works well when you’re overwhelmed with negative thoughts because it doesn’t require your active participation.

3. Remember good things

Our minds tend to focus on the negative and not the positive. But you should direct your mind to the positive. Remember the good things in your life. Remember the good people around you. I’m sure there are many more things that go right in your life than those that go wrong. Looking at the good things balances your perspective so that you don’t dwell in negativity.

4. Look at the big picture

An event that seems bad might not seem that bad if you look at the big picture. Put the event in context. Think of it as one mosaic piece that’s necessary to make your life wonderful.

5. Believe that everything will be all right

What you believe has a big effect on you. If you believe that things will go wrong, that would usually be the case. On the other hand, if you believe that everything will be all right, you will have a winning attitude. And, as said in this article, a winning attitude is everything.

6. Exercise

When you’re depressed, take time to exercise. Study shows that “exercise is related to positive mental health as indicated by relief in symptoms of depression and anxiety.”

7. Forgive

Sometimes one reason you feel bad is because you don’t forgive. Perhaps you had made mistakes in the past and you blamed yourself for it. You need to forgive yourself. Or perhaps someone mistreated you. You need to forgive them. I know it’s easier said than done, but as Mahatma Gandhi said:

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

So let us all be strong.

8. Take action

The only cure for grief is action.
George Henry Lewes

Things won’t get better if you just sit and do nothing. Instead of thinking about how bad things are, think of what you can do to solve the problem and take action.

9. Say something positive

Negative words have devastating effect on your confidence and motivation. So whenever you’re about to say something negative, stop yourself and take a deep breath. Reframe what you’re going to say and make it positive. For example, instead of saying “I will never make it”, say “It won’t be easy, but I know I will make it.”

10. Think about other people

One of the best ways to make yourself feel better is simply by taking the focus away from yourself. The more you think about your problems, the more difficult it would feel. So start thinking about other people and how you can help them. When you do that, your problems will no longer seem so hard.

Photo by Pink Sherbet Photography