photo credit: joesflickr

I’m 24 years old. I’m in the North Indian Himalayas. I’m sitting down for a private audience with one of Tibet’s most revered Buddhist teachers. After telling him how attached I am to my mother he looks at me straight in the eyes, smiles and gently says, “Well, you have to grow up now“. No seven words have ever hit me so hard.

This post is dedicated to all you people out there who are struggling with bitter sweet agony of growing up. I hope it gives you something to think about.

John Mayer and the train that can never stop

If you follow me on Twitter you will probably know that I am a fan of John Mayer. John is one of those rare artists that has an innate ability to put certain life situations into words. In fact, before I started listening to Mayer I would have argued that many of these emotions, desperate mental dramas and secret inner quandaries were unable to be described in ordinary language. They are simply too experiential to be categorized.

But John manages to. John reconnects me to those mental places with his lyrics. He does it time and time again. And although I am desperately trying to avoid these emotions (because they hurt), I find myself listening to Mayer again and again because it reminds me I am not unique. These emotions are, for the most part, universal to all humans. I have to thank John for that.

One John Mayer song that is not particularly critically acclaimed or even well liked amongst his fans is called Stop This Train. It is a song that, whenever I hear it, sends me back to that terrifying place of knowing that, really, we are alone growing up in this world. But, at the same time, it connects you with a feeling of hope because you aren’t the only one in that situation.

I ask everyone reading this post to watch an incredible solo performance of John singing this song here while taking a look at the lyrics here. Take five minutes out of your day to experience this song and everything it means to you because it gives this article a lot of context.

Crying, driving away in the dark

photo credit: englishsnow

There comes a point in everyone’s life when they realize there is no turning back. In the song Mayer uses the metaphor of driving away from his parents house, crying, in the dark. We have all had that moment. It might have been when you moved out or when you realized that you could beat your dad at table tennis. For a lot of people it manifests as an extremely empty and hollow realization.

The interesting thing is that some people are more equipped for this moment than others. Some people shut down and start to compensate for this lost youth in negative ways. Others embrace it and look forward to the future. Some people do both. But this moment is pivotal because it is the start of your adulthood. How you deal with this moment has a lot to do with whether you ever really grow up at all – and a lot of people don’t.

How to move forward and grow up

photo credit: afsilva

I am not professing to have all the answers. I still struggle all the time with the idea that I am no longer at home with my mum eating her cooking and asking her for $10 to buy lunch with. I still struggle with the fact that she is going to die one day.

But since my conversation with that Buddhist Lama I have made some headway. I am stepping out on my own more and I am starting to enjoy it. Here are some tips on how to grow up well. Tips on how to drive away in the dark knowing that you are going to make it.

1. Accept it as soon as you can
Something you are going to need to do eventually is accept that there is no going back. You will have to accept this to grow up well. You can put it off or you can stand up tall and do it now. There is never any going back to the old days. The old days are like a dead person and you cannot revive a dead person no matter how much you long for them.

I encourage everyone who is struggling to grow up to accept fact that the past is gone and it is never coming back. Move forward. Its all you have.

2. Give up the memory reliving
If you are a healthy adult who has dealt with the growing up process well then there is nothing wrong with a little nostalgic reminiscing. But if you are buying sports cars, having affairs, trying to relive your youth or struggling with the depression of getting old then these memories can drive you mad. You need to give them up.

One of my worst traits is that I think to much. This inability to quiet my mind was one of the main reasons I was struggling to grow up. I would constantly play out the old days in my head, wishing, praying that I could go back to high school when things were simpler. But after I was gently told to “grow up” by my teacher I decided that it was time to leave these things behind and move on. And I have never been so happy.

The best way you can do this is by starting to become a little better at mediation. You don’t have to sit on a cushion and close your eyes but you do have to start becoming friends with your mind. Learn to watch your thoughts. Learn how they arise and subside without leaving any trace at all. When you do this they cease to control you.

3. Find out the cause
Often the pain associated with growing up can be linked to something else. Why are you feeling like this? Why are you missing the old days? If you can find another cause you might be able to get on top of those feelings.

For example, if you are really stressed because you think your wife is cheating on you then, undoubtedly, you are going to be longing for the old days where life was more simple. In this situation it isn’t the growing up that is causing the problem, it is some ancillary factor. Find out what is bringing these thoughts up and deal with it as soon as possible.

4. Don’t recreate
Trying to recreate the old days by going out with your mates all the time, skirting your responsibilities to your family, etc. is not going to solve the issue. A lot of people (men in particular) deal with the issue by not dealing with it. It is tempting here to grab you by your shirt collar and shake you while yelling, “Grow the F up man!” But of course that wouldn’t help.

We need to have a sense of honor in these situations by accepting the fact that we aren’t dealing with the problem very well. Trying to recreate the good ole days is not useful, nor will it make you feel better. As soon as you get in the cab to go home you will be back to that empty space. Recreating is living in the past and the past is a dead person. Remember?

5. Find good company
You are shaped in a big way by the people around you. If you are surrounded by 30 year old men who still wear their school jackets and go out drinking every night then you are going to go down with them. If, however, you hang out with people who are making progress, living and really trying to better themselves then you too will begin to move forward.

Finding good company is a massive part of growing up. It is a stark and bitter day when you realize that most of your buddies from high school are assholes and that you need new mates. You feel extremely alone. You have to find new people. But you will. And when you do you will be so much better off. Of course not everyone’s buddies from school are assholes. But a lot of the time they will hold you back because, as a group, you can just stay alive in the past.

6. Understand that things change
When the 16th Karmapa was on his death bed his students asked him to sum up his life’s experience and wisdom into one small teaching. After a brief pause he turned to them and simple said, “Things change”.

These two words are the quintessence of growing up. These two simple words summarize everything that you need to know about life. Things change and when you fail to grasp that truth you suffer. Nothing lasts and nothing stays the same. Embrace that chaos and find some peace by letting go.

Conslusion

So you have two options. You can fight to stop the train or you can go with it. As corny and cliche as it sounds, you really have to learn how to cope because there is no going back. Your youth is gone and all you have is now and, if you are lucky, the future. Have you grown up yet?

If you have any advice to give anyone or if you yourself have struggled with growing up please leave a comment and share your experience. It might really help someone.

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photo credit: BarefootAdrianne

“No thing is as dear to someone as his or her own life, so no greater crime is there than taking life away. And no conditioned virtue brings greater merit than the act of saving beings and ransoming their lives.” – Chatral Rinpoche.

Many years ago in the Himalayas I met a Buddhist master who was a practitioner of tsethar; a Buddhist practice that involves saving the lives of animals. Buddhists assert that saving the lives of animals that are doomed to be killed increases ones lifespan, protects from certain illnesses and helps to remove obstacles in your life.

Over time I have come to appreciate this practice more and more and today I decided I would share it with you in the hope that some of you decide to take it up. It truly is one of the most beneficial things you will ever do with your time and money.

How does one perform this practice?

As far as practices go, this one is the easiest. You need no special training or implements, just a bit of cash and some spare time. The traditional way to carry out this type of activity is make sure you do three things:

• The beginning: generate a compassionate motivation
  The first thing you need to do is develop some sort of compassionate motivation. For example, if you know someone who is sick you might generate the motivation that you are doing this practice to help them get better and live a longer life. Or, you might do the practice with the idea that you simply want to free sentient beings from suffering and fear and be a protector for those who need protection.

  The traditional Buddhist motivation is called bodhicitta. Bodhicitta is the wish that all beings will one day be free from suffering and never separated from happiness. When you arouse the motivation of bodhicitta you are also developing the warrior-like mentality of bravery; you yourself are going to free sentient beings from suffering without any help from anyone else.

• The middle: Maintain a good attitude
  During the practice itself you should try to remember your motivation and not let too many self-centered thoughts enter your mind. This ensures that you really work with your mind and leave some positive imprints on your mental continuum. You should also try to concentrate single pointedly on what you are doing and not let your mind wander off too far.
• The end: make vast aspirations and dedications
  Buddhists assert that good actions need to be dedicated to positive causes. This ensures that the merit is not wasted. At the end of this practice you should sit down for a few minutes and make as many vast and compassionate aspirations as you can. For example, you might dedicate saving the lives of these animals to the long life of you and your family members, the removal of disease and suffering in our society and the culmination of world peace. Or you might dedicate it to someone specific who is suffering from cancer or some serious illness.

  The dedication is super important. The bigger the better. Many of my teachers have said that during the dedication one should be as assertive and free thinking as possible; it is no time to be humble.

If you follow these simple guidelines I am confident that your practice of releasing lives will be extremely beneficial for yourself and others. Spending the afternoon purchasing and releases animals is an extremely joyous occasion and lots of fun for everyone involves.

What types of animals should I use?

photo credit: Hendricks Photos

Short answer: it doesn’t matter. Any living creature that is about to be cooked or killed is suitable for this practice. Some animals that Buddhist monasteries use in this practice include:

• Fish from Chinese restaurants and fish markets
  If you go in to almost any Chinese restaurant or fish market you will see tens of big fish swimming in the tank ready to be killed and served on a dish. These are perfect animals to free. Some times there will be crabs, lobster and eels – all suitable for this practice.
• Crickets from pet stores
  Many pet stores now sell crickets that are bred to be fed to lizards and snakes. Often you can get 100 crickets for $5! That is a lot of positive karma.
• Chickens from battery farms and suppliers
  Although the chickens from battery farms are not killed for food, they do live horrible lives in tiny cages. I am certain that there is a lot of good done every time one of these birds is taken from its cell to a nice big backyard pen.

Obviously you don’t want to go and buy a pet puppy and let it go in the woods. That isn’t the point! The point is to free animals who are about to have their life taken as the karma is considered to be especially potent.

It is extremely important, however, to only release animals that are native to the local environment. A lot of harm can be done by foreign fish when released into local waters. Here in Australia we have lost hundreds of local species of fish because English Carp were introduced into our rivers a hundred years ago. Make sure you do your research before letting animals go. Make sure they are locals.

The benefits of saving lives

There are many Buddhist texts out there that speak of some incredible benefits relating to this practice. Some of main ones include extending your life and the lives of others, healing and in some cases curing serious diseases, removing obstacles that are holding you back in life and so on. The main benefit (from a Buddhist point of view) is that you will create the causes to attain enlightenment in the very near future.

The Dalai Lama and other masters on saving lives
His Holiness the Dalai Lama has spoken of this practice many times, especially in his autobiography Freedom in Exile. In it he tells the story of how he would spend all monastery’s money as a young boy by purchasing sheep that were about the be slaughtered for meat. Thousands of sheep were spared the knife. At the end of the story he recounts that later in his life he saw in his meditation that this practice actually increased his life and will be a cause for him to live a long time.

One Buddhist master, Chatral Rinpoche, has been particularly outspoken on the issue of saving the lives of animals. He believes it should be a regular activity for all Buddhists and anyone who cares about living creatures. Here is a short poem he composed about the issue. And here is another text by a master called DoDrupchen on the benefits of saving animals. Finally, here is a fantastic resource on how to be creative with this practice as instructed by the 17th Gyalwa Karmapa.

My own experiences
I have been doing this practice for a few years now and every time I do it I enjoy it more. It is quite special knowing that you have freed living creatures from certain death, and, to be honest, I don’t really care if my life is extended or not. Knowing that I have done something positive for some helpless creature is enough for me.

That being said, my friends and I have done this practice on a large scale at several important junctions in our life. When my best friend had stage four cancer a few years ago we released a lot of animals. Things turned out a lot better than we had expected. He is in remission now.

Conclusion

I really do believe in the power of this activity. I would be extremely happy if only a handful of our community here at The Daily Mind took up this practice and dedicated the merit towards the peace and well being of all living creatures. If you do free some animals please stop back and leave a comment and let us know how it went.

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What's the score... you should know!

If you’re not keeping score, you’re probably getting beat!

If how you play or perform were all that mattered, then why do all sporting activities have some form of scoreboard? The scoreboard is your report card and it tells you and the world that you are winning, losing, or holding your ground.

Keeping score and inspecting your progress is important, not only in determining the ultimate winner of a contest, but also as a measuring device by which a person, team or company can gauge itself against the competition.

Ask yourself this question and others of similar nature, “How are we doing relative to our nearest competitor?

Specific questions on performance measurement are usually met with blank stares, kind of a light’s on but nobody’s home kind of stare. If not that then very vague or non-specific answers soon follow.

If you don’t know the score – you have a better than average chance of being the competitive sacrificial lamb.

photo credit: Mutasim Billah Pritam [EWU]

The last ethical dilemma was a really good one. We had lots of fantastic responses; some more insightful than others. In the end, only one person picked out that the person might not have even been an Arab. You can check it out here (towards the end of the comments).

Today’s ethical dilemma is a situation that some of you might have been in although not in the same circumstances. Please leave a comment and let us know how you would react.

You are at work. You sit next to a man named John. John just lost his wife, custody of his kids and has been kicked out of his home. He is on anti-depressants. He is constantly stressed, panicked, etc. But he is a nice guy. His wife left him for another man.

One day your manager comes around to John’s desk in a rage stating that he was supposed to hand up a report two days ago. The manager is screaming at John to explain why he shouldn’t just fire him on the spot. You know you could take the blame and save John. Do you take the heat and say it is your fault? Why? Why not?

I am really interested in the reasons behind your actions here. Do people still throw themselves on the “grenade” for their team mates? Or is that attitude a thing of the past? Let us know.

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I just received an email with the introduction of Eckhart Tolle TV, which he opens with the Headline “Welcome to the present moment”. It’s an attempt to use the internet more to teach spirituality and the growth of consciousness.

-> Take a Look at Eckhart Tolle TV.

photo credit: koke

We all dream. Some more than others. Some people will go off on fantasy journeys to far of lands where the imagination creates a smorgasbord of sensual pleasures. Other people will toss and turn the night over as they struggle to wake up from a nightmare that seems all too real. But what are your dreams teaching you? Are they teaching you anything at all? The answer lies within this post.

Can dreams predict your future?

We have all heard stories about people dreaming something that then comes true the next day. The television show Medium has made a lot of money telling the story of Allison Duboix, the psychic District Attorney’s assistant, who sees the killer in her dreams. And that is based on a true story. And for the record, I have no doubt in my mind that some people can actually predict future events based on their dreams. I am sure there are meditation masters out there who do it all the time.

But that is not what this post is about. In fact, the idea of looking at your dreams to try and extract some direct meaning is contrary to what I am talking about. I am talking about the symbolic nature of dreams. I am talking about the fact that your dreams are a microcosm for your whole life and, if you choose to, you can learn a lot about being awake from what happens when you are asleep.

What your dreams can teach you about being awake

photo credit: Alicakes*

So what can your dreams teach you about being awake and living in the real world? What lessons can we take from our pillow out into our daily life? Quite a few actually. Here are a few ideas I picked up from my Buddhist teachers as well as a lifetime of being a “creative” dreamer.

1. Dreaming teaches you about impermanence
The first thing you can learn quite directly (and sometimes painfully) from dreams is that everything is impermanent. I remember being a young man in high school and dreaming of beautiful women that I was madly in love with only to wake up with the stark realization that these women were gone. We were lovers in the dream state but as soon as I woke up they were no longer there. The impermanence hit me hard.

The same is true of life. Nothing lasts. Trees, boats, clouds, life, love, hatred… everything is impermanent. Nothing composite can stay together. Nothing that goes up can resist from coming down. Dreams give you a very tangible insight into impermanence.

So what’s the point? Why learn this lesson? Well, if you can remember that feeling of impermanence you will become less attached to things which you know cannot last. And that gives you an amazing sense of freedom. When you can enjoy someones company without worrying about holding on to them you are much more open to the whole experience. The fear is gone. You know it is going to end and as such you enjoy it for what it is.

2. Dreaming teaches you to open your mind
The most powerful thing you can learn from dreaming is how to open your mind. When you live your life with an open mind you are more relaxed and happy and you are less likely to be affected by things that are, always, impermanent. Let me explain.

Let’s say you are dreaming about being in love with a beautiful woman. You can smell her hair and feel her soft skin. You talk to her about wondrous things and you go on sensual adventures together that seem to last a long time. It is so real. And then you wake up. All of a sudden you realize how unreal the experience was but still you are upset that you have lost her.

It is EXACTLY the same as real life.

In real life we fall in love and grasp and cling to beautiful women, good food, our homes and family and our points of view. But this clinging is silly because we are clinging to things that don’t last. It is just like the dream state only longer. How silly is the person who clings to something that happens in a dream? Why? It seems real at the time. It seemed like it would last forever at the time. But it doesn’t. And it doesn’t in the waking world either.

Similarly, when you are asleep and dreaming even the most crazy ideas seem real. You could be best friends with a four eyed dancing bear that had an ear for a mouth. It is ridiculous to the awake person but real to the dreaming person. So perhaps our waking perceptions are not that realistic either. If we can dream up nonsense in our sleep then perhaps our waking thoughts are not all that on target either? Open your mind up to the world because your perception is not always correct.

3. Dreams teach you to let go of your worries
Are you one of those people who dwells all day on the dream you had last night? Do you sit and try to relive the experience and try to ascertain every meaning from every little thing that happened? I used to be like that. Not anymore.

In a dream you could have a problem that seems so terrible and real. Or, you could be dreaming something that, upon waking, has something to do with an important area of your life. And it worries you. You worry about the dream coming true or whether it is a prophecy of things to come. But you know what? You won’t be able to figure it out until it happens. So drop it.

The same is true of waking thoughts.

All day long we play mind games. We carry out scenarios in our head trying to figure out the best course of action to take. But ultimately this mental chatter just makes us stressed. It doesn’t get us any closer to a solution. So drop it. Your dreams are just dreams and your thoughts are just thoughts. Worry about it when it happens.

Conclusion

Dreams really do give us an excellent insight into the human mind. They show us that our perceptions are not as solid and real as we think they are and that all thing are impermanent. If you take these lessons to heart your awake life will be more spacious, open and free. Don’t cling to dreams – not when you are asleep and not when you are awake.

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Everybody wants to be successful, but still most of us aren’t as successful as we would like to be. Many people have given up on their dreams and are living a life that is nothing like the life they imagined living when they were young.

Last week we talked about how spiritual people are kind people who love others, animals our planet and themselves. Today we are going to take this a little bit further.

Spirituality is so much more than being kind and loving. It is about living you life to the fullest. But what does that really mean?

Enjoying Life

Spiritual people enjoy life because they do what they love. They are in complete control of their life and act on their passion(s).
Do you know what your passion is? Most people can’t answer that question.
Imagine doing what you love everyday, no more boring job. Wouldn’t you enjoy life so much more. Find your passion and do something with it!

Attitude of gratitude

Spiritual people practice an attitude of gratitude. They are grateful for everything in their life, even the smallest things. They are even grateful for the negative things or events in their lives because they know these are opportunities to grow and to learn from.
Gratitude is the most powerful emotion because the Ego and gratitude can not exist simultaneously. If you are grateful for everything you’ll only attract more things to be grateful about.

Giving is receiving

Spiritual people know that the only way to really receive is to give. They give back to people who are less fortunate than them.
This ‘giving’ can be done in many forms. You can donate money to a charity or to someone who really needs it, you can do volunteer work or spend time with someone who is really lonely. Whatever you do for someone else is giving. Imagine if everyone on this planet practised this, what a wonderful planet this would be!

Everyday we are faced with other people’s images of perfection. You have to dress like this, act like that and look like so and so. Nobody who tells you you are fantastic the way you are.
A great example of self-sabotage is Madame Bovary. She had everything she could wish for: a loving and devoted husband, beautiful children, an amazing house, respect and a family dat sincerely loved her.
When she was younger she went to a fancy party at a count’s house. It was such an amazing evening that after that night she compared everything in her life to that one evening. But nothing seemed to come close. She cheated on her husband and ran her family into huge debt. She did everything to fill that void in her life, but nothing helped. Towards the end she ruins herself and her family, simply because nothing was ever good enough for her.

We do the same thing to ourselves when we think negative, when we want more material things or when we try to be somebody we are not. We see perfection when we watch TV or when we read magazines: the perfect romance, the ideal lover, a world filled with beautiful people.

Many of us don’t realize that this is fiction. We have to love ourselves the way we are en enjoy the good things that already are in our lives. That is reality and the only way how we can learn to love ourselves.

Below you’ll find some examples of how you might compare yourself others:

YOUR BODY
According to TV and magazines everybody is beautiful. But that’s an illusion. Don’t compare yourself with edited(!) images of others.
Your personal beauty comes from within. Write down a couple of things you like about your body. If you are overweight and not happy about that, act on it. Love yourself, exercise more and eat healthier. If you love yourself you’ll find the motivation to achieve your goal!

YOUR CAREER
Are you stuck in a boring job? Get a new one. If your job influences your physical health in a negative way, get a new one. If you don’t this negativity will spread to other areas in your life!

YOUR POSSESSIONS
We live in a society where whoever has the most toys seems to be the winner. We seem to want more and more material things, but do we really need them? Happiness doesn’t come from things. It’s OK to want a new dress or a fast car, as long as you realise they won’t make you happy. Only you can!

YOUR PAST
Your past is no more than that … your past. You can’t change it, you can only learn from it. Don’t miss out on great opportunities just because of things that happened in the past. Don’t risk your future. Learn from your mistakes and you will grow!

LOVE YOURSELF
Love who you are. Everybody is supposed to be different and unique, that’s what makes you special. Talk to friends or family. They can help look at you the way others look at you. They can tell you why they love you and why you should love yourself.

Are you spiritual if you pray everyday and go to Church every sunday?
No

Are you spiritual if you practice yoga en meditate everyday?
No

What does it really mean to be spiritual?

Being a spiritual person means that you are a person who sees it as her or his highest priority to love yourself and others. A spiritual person loves all people, animals and our planet. A spiritual person is a kind person.

You can pray everyday and still not love others. You can meditate and practice yoga and still be judgmental towards yourself and others, not knowing what it means to love.

Many people who aren’t religious, who don’t meditate or practice yoga are very spiritual. These people are always prepared to help others. Their thoughts are positive and kind of nature, not negative and judgmental.

Many religious people aren’t friendly or kind at all. We all now religious people who are very judgmental towards other people and ideas.
Can you be spiritual and religious? Ofcourse! But only when your religion comes from your heart. Be open to other people’s opinions and beliefs and respect them. There is not one religion which is ‘the right one’, because that would mean that the others are wrong. All religions are equal and basically spread the same message: ‘Treat others like you want them to treat you’.

If you want to be a spiritual person let kindness be your guide. Be willing to help others and love yourself, others, animals and our wunderful planet.